Because you are here, that means you are alive. No matter what, you are alive. You are reading this, and experiencing being able to process and understand the words that are written here. That is a privilege. Amazing.
Being able to think, and choose, and eat and breathe is a privilege. Having the opportunity to have joy and happiness is precious.
The reason life gets us down? We don’t. We don’t. We don’t know how to choose differently. We are not aware of the skills that we did have and lost them. We are all born precious, kind, loving, happy and ever so cute. This talent to smile at the world as a 1-day old child or a 10-month-old is innate in all us. We choose to reflect back to the world what it is reflecting on us. We smile because they smile. We soon learn that if the person raising us is smiling we get more of what we want. Then we get more of what we want to help them like us.
We are no longer so cute, and adorable, and parenting style changes because we are now older. And we adjust these behaviors to get attention a new way.
Problem is, we as adults are using the same skills in our current relationships that we used as a child. We want others to like us so we get what we want. It doesn’t work that way, cause they are not our parents. They are not giving us anything. they are a life partner.
We, well most of us, are always pleasing someone. We all want to have attention paid to us. If we learned how to please or how to get attention as a child, those skills don’t want as adults.
Do you get upset when things don’t go your way? Are you always wanting others to be happy, more wanting it for them than for you? Do you want a break and wish life would get easier. Do you feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders some days?
No matter how you feel about it, someone raised you. Those early years formed a deep impression on the brain, and most of us don’t see how impactful those years are on us as adults. Parenting styles affect the way the child matures and how the brain will approach the world.
Relationship not going well? Everything you have learned can be unlearned. What you learned about life that is not working for you as an adult can be unlearned. The brain is very elastic.
The fifth principle in the 6 Week Marriage Challenge is forgiveness. It can be the most powerful week. Parents are doing their best, so we never blame. Instead, let’s notice the things we don’t have and learn them. Skills are skills. We can learn to get along.